Suffering exists so we have something to do
How we speak and behave affects our relationship with the world. It affects how people see us, judge us, and decide how to interact with us. We know the “Lemon” type; stormy day, can’t go outside and play, “life sucks!” lemonade. “You know what? I’m so glad it is raining. I’ve been wanting to read that book, remake my closet space and write that letter. Maybe I will join an “email hack” group and tell Russians what is really going on.”
Exhibiting unrelenting happy optimism is our choice. It is also healthier, and expressing positive emotions extends our lives. The groundbreaking “Nun study” by researchers at the University of Kentucky and numerous follow-on studies by researchers at Harvard and other institutions have documented that people who exhibit optimism, happiness and other positive character attributes live longer, have less heart disease, depression, and a host of other ailments. Pessimism sells, is an easy habit to acquire, and anyway, who cares about living longer, or walking on the sunny side of the road if life sucks?
Support for pessimistic, hateful, fearmongering ignorance is everywhere. The fear-based PAC’s and Tucker Carlson‘s of the world, while provocative and interesting, feed our lessor angels and slowly erode our relationships, erode our belief in the fundamental goodness in each of us and the fundamentals of life that hold us together. They suck hope and happiness right out of us. Life is, after all, about connection. Pessimism disconnects us. Happiness comes from connection.
I have been immersed in spirituality and religion my whole life. Met a few “repent or go to hell,” fearmongering evangelical Christians, Muslims and Jews along the way. Listening to the frown-lined devotee who is keen to save my soul, I ask, “Are you happy?” I pause for their answer. I then ask, “Are you saved, or content that your life is reflective of Moses, Jesus or Mohamed or whoever guides your worship?” I then listen and simply say, “Seems if I had a personal relationship with God, was feeling guided by God’s presence, and had faith that I would be so happy, optimistic, and joyful that I would hardly be able to contain myself. I certainly would not be running around judging people and tearing down those God created in God’s image.” What demonstration of faith is that?
I bring this up because today it seems that society is at a crossroads. One way leads to hell. The other road leads to hell too. To those who feel this way, I say, “Perhaps.” There is an ancient African story that goes something like this. A farmer’s horse disappears. The neighbors say, “Such bad luck.” The farmer says, “Perhaps.” The horse returns with two mares. The neighbors say, “Such good luck.” The farmer says, “Perhaps.” The farmer’s son tries to ride one of the new horses. He falls and breaks his leg. The neighbors say, “Such bad luck.” The farmer says, “Perhaps.” The next day the local chief comes to pull together all able-bodied men to go to war. The son cannot go with his infirmity. The neighbors say, “Such good luck.” The farmer says, “Perhaps.”
I tell that story to my beginning Vipassana Meditation groups, explaining that the goal of Mindfulness Vipassana meditation, or simple contemplative prayer, is a quiet mind that gets beyond judgment and quits labeling everything in our life as good-bad-neutral. Just seeing life and life’s events as they are and then deciding how to respond to them with mindfulness and calm. Our response to an event is what we must focus on. Non-response is a response. Not responding to an event creates as much Karma as a response - so just grooving out and watching the injustice, pain, fear, and indifference in the world assures that all roads will lead to hell.
I watch the war in Ukraine with horror and sadness. What is interesting is listening to President Zelensky, and those affected and displaced by the conflict. They are not wallowing in fear, victimhood, hate, and indifference. They are acting with grace, unselfishness, optimism, and love. No “Life sucks” in their vocabulary.
Will their country be a mess when Putin and his followers give up? Yes! Would it be okay to wallow in negativity, hate and revenge? Perhaps! Certainly, it can be justified. But to what end would wasting time on victimhood, revenge and talking about the past help? Not much, unless you are selling pain, misery, and end of the world nonsense. Will the world learn from Ukraine? Perhaps. We watched China steal Tibet and stand by as the ANC rapes South Africa; despots like Museveni of Uganda and Ortega of Nicaragua wallow in corruption and injustice as their people suffer from hunger, lack of education, and little health care. We must ask ourselves, “Will I learn? What can I do?”
Seems helping the world’s poor, at least financially, for Americans is an afterthought and on the decline. In 2000, 66% of Americans gave to charity; in 2018, (latest data) 46% gave, with donations to religious organizations reaching an all-time low of 42%. A very bright spot is volunteering which shot up from 24% in 2015 to over 30% in 2018. Now that the pandemic is over, many people are again donating their time and talent to causes. Perhaps the transparency brought about by organizations like Charity Navigator, which highlights the inefficiencies of some charities with big salaries and bloated overheads for fundraising, is causing people to pause and rethink where best to donate. My sense is that in addition to the transparency issues, that covid and the political “war” in the USA caused people to get despondent or to send money to campaigns rather than charities. We will see. Seems logical that the increase in volunteering our time and talent will also lead to an increase in donations as people find charities aligned with their values, culture and sensibilities about the world’s needs.
Becoming a nun is a big commitment and those nuns that joined the Sisters of Notre Dame in 1930’s and 1940’s were, I imagine, like a volunteer seeking to help society but giving 100% commitment of their time, talent and treasure. The 30’s and 40‘s were no cakewalk of prosperity and peace. WW1 had ended, the great depression was rampant, and not unlike Trump or Putin today, Hitler was stirring up racism, nationalism, and vilifying people based on sex, race, religion, and sexual orientation. It must have felt a lot like today. Two roads both leading to hell. The young nuns were asked to write an autobiography. Those autobiographies were later analyzed for negative, neutral and positive phrases and words to establish if the nun’s attitude were optimistic, and positive. The study provided concrete evidence that our attitude influences our life. It has become a “1st read” in many positive psychology classes, supporting the premise that a happy, optimistic, hopeful disposition leads to longevity, better relationships, health, engagement, and a host of measurable benefits. A positive attitude leads to engagement and a feeling of agency – a belief that our efforts can make a difference. I would add that such a disposition leads us to be action heroes like Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Malala, Zelensky, Marianne Williamson and others. Gandhi’s famous quote about our thoughts has 1,000’s of postings when pulled up on an internet search.
“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become YOUR WORDS.
Keep your words positive because your words become YOUR BEHAVIOR.
Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes YOUR HABITS.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become YOUR VALUES.
Keep your values positive because your values become YOUR DESTINY.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
Many years ago, I was chatting about suffering, indifference, and the melancholic epidemic of the time with one of my [Buddhist] teachers as we drove through France towards Switzerland. Slowing down to around 80 KM/hr, he took his eyes off the road and looked me in the eyes to make sure I was listening. As my mind rushed to thoughts of road rash, fire, car and body parts strewn across the road from a crash, he smiled at me and said, “Paul. Suffering exists so we have something to do.” He then sped back up, reoriented the car and left me to my thoughts. When I think of people like Zelensky, Malala and others that could justify shriveling up from the hand they were dealt, I realize that, actually, suffering can be our call to optimism, to act, to hope and work for a world where every person goes to bed feeling safe, happy, loved, full, connected, and optimistic about tomorrow.
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